I'm praying

This life is either a crazy leap of faith or just crazy.

I'm still trying to figure out which one, in the mean time I pray.

Pray that God's will be done, and peace be had.

if you're gonna be stupid you had better have a dang good reason

I think that there is a difference between someone being completely ignorant of something and someone being willfully ignorant.

I run into this a lot; names, places and incidents have been omitted for...mostly my protection.

Some people when they give you that blank stare, or an answer that just seems retarded...it's because they honestly have no clue what you're talking about or what they're talking about. It isn't their fault because they don't know any better.

Take faith for example, young Christians may make an ignorant comment about scriptures, or about spiritual matters in general and it's because they've either been taught that and don't understand they need to look for themselves, or they're taking their world view and applying it to the bible, and things don't add up. Then you've got Christians who do know better, they've been seeking after Christ for a very long time, they know to search the scriptures, and to petition God and yet when they bring up subjects they shouldn't they develop foot in mouth disease.

These things go on outside of spiritual matters too. People will WILLFULLY ignore facts, or will not go searching for facts themselves and instead go straight to someone else after hearsay and point a finger. Why are they being willfully ignorant when the facts are a few steps or keystrokes away? This makes me want to do nothing more than beat said ignorant person over the head. The naturally ignorant person can be aggravating, but you eventually just shake their head because they don't know any better.

I guess the question I have to ask myself is when a person moves beyond naturally ignorant and into willfully ignorant? I could guess as far as age and maturity it hits somewhere in high school after puberty (personal opinion, and no im not talking about the age of accountability here). In the work place I'm not sure, but there is surely an amount of time where you can begin just blaming yourself and your unwillingness to actually learn anything new or do things differently instead of blaming the fact that you don't know what your doing or don't understand how things are done.

How often am I willfully ignorant?

At this point...you become more of a roadblock.

(the message)Romans 14:22-23:
Cultivate your own relationship with God, but don't impose it on others. You're fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. But if you're not sure, if you notice that you are acting in ways inconsistent with what you believe—some days trying to impose your opinions on others, other days just trying to please them—then you know that you're out of line. If the way you live isn't consistent with what you believe, then it's wrong.

Misnomer of presidential proportions

I'm going on my political rant for the season.

Yes, I've said that I backed away from primary voting because I don't believe in the capability of any of the candidates. That doesn't mean I'm not following this muck up of a race.

Politics have always been a murky topic, people suspect the worst, develop conspiracy theories, throw mud, supply false promises and give constant non-answers to people needing actual answers.

I just finished reading John Grisham's latest novel surrounding law, but also politics, and the practice of dirty politics. How a person of financial power can basically purchase an election by pumping funds into the backing of a candidate.

Yeah I'm gonna sling a couple conspiracy theories. First of all take a look at our potential candidates.

Senator Hillary Clinton, Senator Barack Obama, Senator John McCain.

Ok Hillary Clinton is a long shot, she's a white woman, and she's backing a lot of her own campaign out of pocket, and still, eliciting a lot of public funding. She's seen as a cold yet overly emotional and unstable persona. Everyone saw her bid for the nomination as eminent at some point only because she is a very driven person, and sitting as navigator to Bill for two terms probably didn't satisfy her lust for the limelight. Let's see how he likes being first lady.

Barack Obama...well he's black, that is a start. Where did this political nobody come from? Where the heck is is funding coming from? Hillary has the money in the bank...but Obama? He's pulling in millions of dollars in funding...this no name black senator comes out of political obscurity to give Clinton a run for her money and rises to the point of being noted as one of the most 'influential and exciting candidates' of the 2008 election. People say he's going to bring back what America has lost. People are being sold on it. My biggest question is...who's gaining from his political possibility and what is the biggest gain with him in office? What stance will he take for, or against that is going to put money in someone else's pocket?

John McCain has tried to vie for the republican nomination before, and got squeezed out because he wasn't the best candidate. What makes him so great now? This guy might as well be a democrat as far as hardline republicans are concerned. He's got money coming in from big business and what not. But not nearly enough to win an election. I'm not going to touch on him much because he doesn't have as much controversy surrounding his campaign, and to be completely honest with the republican track record I don't think he has a prayer of winning this years presidential election. (not that I like the alternatives).

Then there are the other presidential un-hopefuls that will run under some kind of independent ticket. These people are in the game to 'win', but what they're really doing is pulling away votes from one party or the other. Depending on their stances and whos putting the money in where, then that could swing the vote either way in a close election.

"The overall gap between the three senators also increased: McCain has now raised just over $60 million, compared with Clinton’s $156 million and Obama’s $194 million."
"The two remaining Democratic contenders ended the month with a healthy amount of cash in hand: $33 million for Clinton and $39 million for Obama. The numbers are not quite as close as they appear: Obama has less than a million dollars in debt, while Clinton owes nearly $9 million in addition to the $5 million loan she made to her own campaign in January."

-cnn.com

So my first conspiracy is of money. Who's got it, and who wants it? Why these candidates and how is it going to help them?

My second issue, not so much theory, is the fact that this campaign to select the DEMOCRATIC RUNNER...not even the freaking president, (which i think most Americans are probably confused on at this point, they're going to expect to see both Obama and Clinton on the ticket!) has become about skin color and gender.

All candidates run around with a banner proclaiming change, none of them are willing to state what change that is, and then they attack each other based on their 'experience', lack there of, and ends up kinda pointing the finger at the others gender or skin color.

Grow up.

Obama identifies with blacks...duh...Clinton identifies with old people and hispanics...what?

Clinton's ticket has ended up more as a novelty because she's a woman...ooooo we've never done that before...we're sick of where we're at....she says the word change...VOTE FOR HER!
Obama has taken the same novelty ticket because he's a black man. What ever that has to do with novelty or capability I don't know. He grew up abroad for a lot of his years, he didn't grow up as far as most people are concerned "urban". He's not Randy's "dawg", and he certainly has enough sketchy background himself for people to be wary of him and the democratic party in general.

Why has this come down to color and gender? well...besides the fact that it is the most obvious subjective factors in this election (because both candidates are liberal enough that they bleed a rainbow) both candidates have decided to make it about color or gender. Obama has been quoted as talking about skin color, and trying to identify with white people because his grandma is white...who cares. (oh and not to mention the fact his pastor has gone on racial rants which obama had to 'smooth over)

"“…but she is a typical white person who, you know, if she sees somebody on the street that she doesn’t know, there is a reaction that has been bred into our experiences that don’t go away and sometimes come out in the wrong way…”"

- Obama - cnn.com

So now we've got a race that the republicans can't win because of a bad track record and apparently they're either severely lethargic in our fund raising campaign or have no backers this round until the democrats go buck wild in office again and screw everything up worse. Not only this but the republicans are fighting with a campaign of novelty. Theres a woman and a black man up for a potential presidential nomination and instead of people being glued to issues, real politics and the betterment of our great nation, they're enamored with the color of obama's skin and clinton's lipstick or pants suit. Oh and they like to see how many times each person can say the word change and not actually give a reason how or why. I guess that's better than making false promises or promises that they can't keep. This way you know they're lying through their teeth because they're not actually saying anything at all.

Unfortunately ideas and words that resonate with people take hold stronger than actual substance does.

So at this point I bid adieu. Vote wisely...and actually read up on the issues.
This campaign is extremely reflective of the cash bleeding that goes on all of the time in office, and yet no one is willing to speak up to that account.

Don't vote on novelty either...because all you'll end up with is a cheap piece of eye candy that melts after a while.

going out of mind sale

I'm going to be stepping out of my mind here for the next week or two.

A) I'm the only person at work for a while supporting all of the speaking events on site, and events etc. Couple that with the regular work that needs done, all of the emergencies that come up (which is more often than not) and the fact that there are only so many work hours in the day...I'd rather jump off a bridge.

B) I'm at church every night from the time i can be until between 11 and later (last night 12:30, tonight who knows). This puts my sleep habits between 4 and 5 hours a night. I am trying to get a fiber optic curtain up and running with no luck yet and if you have any hints as to how to hook these suckers up DMX, either give me a call or come help me and I'll love you forever.

C) I haven't been to the gym in a week, and it isn't looking promising this week. That right there is enough for me to loose my sanity all together.

So there is your explanation as to why I look like I haven't slept, at well or look otherwise disheveled.

patientless waiting

Romans 9:16-17

It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy. For the scripture says to Pharaoh: "I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth."

I'll tell you what, have some self worth issues, or problems thinking that you've got what it takes and then read something like that.

It never depends on what you do...but on God's mercy...I've messed up, I've run away before, I've tried my own way, I've tried on my own power to do it God's way...but it all comes back to God's mercy.

AND that he might display his power in you and proclaim it through you...wow...because of this I feel totally unworthy, yet I know this is his plan...in his timing. Later Paul goes on to talk about how God created some vessels to be in palaces and some to do common work. Whatever we are doing...do with all of our might to show God to those around us.

It's incredible. I picked up my bible wanting some 'inspiration' something that talked to my specific state of mind and particular influence and I get EXACTLY what i needed. God says...you're where you're supposed to be. My mercy is sufficient to deal with your position and your state. Just let me control it. You need to be ready to be used however I want you to be used.

I'm ready...waiting...impatiently...but I'm waiting.

something written, something lost

There is one light beneath me
A signal of life
Its so empty below why would I go
Love

That light is flickering now
Threatened life
Why should I throw down my own
Love

A savage black has set in
No hope left
Can one send hope back down
Love

When the sun won't come up
His face unseen
A hand cradles you forward
Love

No greater love

_____________________

Whats with this upset
I'm not sure I understand
I'm in a place that doesnt make sense
Where up is down and down is right

I can't take this place any more
So take its place
Out of my mind with myself
One step closer to separation anxiety

Finding myself is hard
When I look in the mirror
I dont see myself returned, only pieces
Where is the sun? I live in a hole.

I can't take these pills anymore
So take their place
I'm uncomfortable with myself
One step closer to falling off the edge

I know my cries are heard
Not bouncing back to earth
These cuts were meant to heal
You took their place too
Find me searching

Ive seen this play out before
And you took my place
I can make peace with myself
One sacrifice made it easier to go on

Do what it takes and take what it does

Do what it takes to make it through
Take what it does dish out to you through it all

Proverbs 20:
9 Who can say, "I have kept my heart pure; I am clean and without sin."
27 The lamp of the Lord searches the spirit of a man; it searches out his inmost being.
30 Blows and wounds clean away evil, and beatings purge the inmost being.

After reading Velvet Elvis a while back I understood a little bit more about the Jewish priests and the way that they taught. Most of the time the priests would answer in questions, if you look to the way that Jesus taught, it was in questions, questions that were self answering and pointed to the truth of the matter.

It is as if Solomon, wise king, is doing the same here. Someone has perhaps condemned someone of a wrong doing. Some great sin has been committed and everyone is pointing a finger. So...who among you can say that I've kept my heart pure; and I'm clean, without sin.

Frankly I think at that point everyone would have backed down, every person who said they had not, would have lied, and thus sinned.

Sin is not one of the big 5 (because everyone ignores half of the ten commandments). Sin is not even one of the ten commandments being broken. Those were given to the Jews because they were hard headed like we are and needed a physical reminder of what was already written on everyones hearts at conception. Why do you think that the 10 commandments are basically obeyed in most societies to some extent with maybe one odd twist here or there. We were all created with the same genetic pre-disposition to obey God. Sin, distorted and disrupted that pre-disposition to something anti-God.

This is what sin is. Anti-God. Apart from God. God cannot have anything to do with the sin nature, so anything that is apart from Him is considered sin. Unfortunately because we are born into this sin, because of the original sin, we do it day in and day out. Sure some people commit one of the big 10, but that makes them no worse off than someone who told a small white lie, or had a dirty thought. It was apart from God.

No one is above this.

Except Jesus, born without a sin nature.
Because as declared, the sin nature is passed down through the man, and Jesus was born of a virgin woman, Mary.

So how do you know when you've done something apart from God, how do you know you've sinned?

Go back a few years to the now obsolete technology, the overhead projector.
Light would shine through a transparent sheet of plastic, and project whatever ink stood in the way of the light onto the wall. The image that appeared was the absence of light.

Think of God as that overhead projector, he blasts us with his pure unadulterated light and whatever is not of him stands out like writing on the wall. His light searches you out. It exposes your sin, and Christ says, see you've got it too. No matter how small.

You hang your head in shame. How could Christ ever love me? How could I have so much sin?

Something I struggle with daily.

It's ok.

I've heard people say, well once you "get saved" you don't sin any more. I think the wordage of that phrase is a lie from satan. That is something that is used to guilt more Christians from being effective in their walk.

Once you accept Christ you have an out from sin.

Does that mean you always take it?
Heck no.
We're geared that way. We want to sin, because it's fun for a while.

Let me take a step back to the accepting Christ part. The last verse in proverbs talks about beating the evil out, and beatings purge the inmost being. Unfortunately this is misconstrued in some religions as abuse, and self abuse. I think that it's talking about a couple things, a) the blows that come to your ego or your personality because of the admittance of your sin. It hurts to say, I'm sorry. I screwed up. For some reason though, this is also cleansing. b) It has almost a prophetic meaning, speaking of Christ who through his beatings, and death was brought the ultimate cleansing for each person from their sin.

Because on the cross Christ took every person's sin upon himself that ever lived and ever would live. God had to turn his back on his son. Why? because God cannot be a part of sin.

Christ rose from the dead so that we may have the hope of salvation and ever lasting life from this dead and sinful world. Free of guilt.
A free gift.

We're asked to follow him, but that is a small return.

Let His light filter through you and expose the sin in your own life, things you need to confess and claim the blood of Christ over. Reading these passages have brought to light things in my own life.

My own writing on the wall.

What is yours? (meant as an introspective question)