so that we may serve the living God - Hebrews 9:14

To be honest God has really got me unsettled. I cannot get ministry off of my mind for anything, it's unsettling and exciting at the same time. I know that God has placed this on my heart, and I am resigning myself to the fact that I'm gonna have to get ready to go wherever he decides he needs me.

I've been struggling with this for a week now, and really feel like it's time to take my thoughts beyond my thick skull and this keyboard. I mentioned it briefly to my mom, who at the thought of me moving anywhere outside of Cincinnati usually has a stroke, kind of lit up and said "I always knew you'd go into ministry".

Like I said, I've got no direct calling yet. Just an urge, a very strong urge that has left me restless to serve my living God.

I struggle to read my Bible daily (heck, most of the time weekly or monthly), something that I need to get back into, and skimmed through Hebrews looking for a word. Why Hebrews I don't know, but I came across chapter 9. Verse 14 begins talking about Christ's sacrifice and his blood covering all of our shame and sin, so that we may serve the living God.

Yeah, I struggle, daily. I'm glad that God never said that being a follower of Christ resulted in an ease of life, because I'd have quit a long time ago. That would be an out right lie. We have struggles, but because of something miraculous 2,000 years ago, we can have a relationship with, and serve the living God.

Serving the living God.

I don't get to serve a dead God, a distant God or a disillousioned God. I serve the living, life giving, awe-inspiring God. This service that I have been enveloped into is what has my spirit restless.

A year ago I was not the same man I am today. I was burned out, resistant, and angry with a lot of Christianity. At the end of my four years of college I was pretty sick of the church establishment and the way that Christians treated eachother. I was never to the point of denouncing Christ, but I deffinately distanced myself from him, and others. Over the last year God has worked on my heart, stuck me in a Christian organization that has allowed me to grow. He's placed me in a church were my spirit has been refreshed. Where he is moving and I was able to jump right in. To Serve.

That is what this verse is talking about, Christ's blood, the same living and life giving God that created our universe ex-nilo, covered my guilt, my shame, my burned out mentality, my bitter spirit, my brokeness, my dissappointement. Now he has placed in me a desire and passion to serve him. His refreshing spirit has lifted me up out of the pit of dispair and I praise him for that.

Does that mean I don't struggle, no. Does that mean I don't get dissappointed from time to time with myself or others, no. Does that mean that I don't get burned out from pushing myself to hard (heck no, after all of this I learned I thrive on pushing my limits).

It just means I have something to go after, a drive to keep myself going when I feel like I'm going to drop. A reason to keep looking up day after day. A reason to serve my living God.

I know that things are going to happen because satan is attacking at all sides. I don't ever think I've seen so many attacks at once, and frankly I'm starting to realize where some of them are as I type this. Satan doesn't want you to serve. The complacent, lazy, gourged, self-righteous, pious Christian that I used to be is right where he wants you. Doing absolutely nothing to further the kingdom. It excites me that these attacks are taking place because I know God's about ready to drop a freaking bomb. It also scares the crap outta me because that means stuff has got to change. Change in me, and for me.

I need to be changed from the inside out. Praise God he's doing a new work in me!

I love change as much as I love habit. The thing that scares me is what kind of change this is gonna be. Africa? I'll go. North Dakota? (as boring as that would be) I'll go. Get married? (as far off as that may seem in my singleness) I'll go. Poverty? (hey, if I don't have any money what can the creditors do?) I'll go. Seminary? (as much as I don't feel called in a full pastoral position) I'll go.

Now that I've poured out a little I think I can settle down some. It's hard to keep all of these thoughts inside. It's like a pressure cooker, it's gonna come out sooner or later (whatever it is that you've stored up). I'm just grateful for what is pouring out of me. It has seriously come up a lot in some conversations I've had recently and I really need to sit down with some of my leaders now and let them know the impact they've had in my life lately and get some guidance on where to go now.

thanks for listening